everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
