I puked a lego.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
