I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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