I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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