you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
