according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
