Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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