I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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