Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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