Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
