Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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