i drank out of a bidet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Alive.
So much puke
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
