Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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