I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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