I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
