Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to make out with him forever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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