ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You don't make any sense
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