God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
