Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
