as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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