My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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