this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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