you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was CRYING into my vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
