she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
