Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
