I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
