"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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