I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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