I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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