I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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