he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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