dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
