we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
false alarm. still invincible.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.