Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
