i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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