I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
