Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
