Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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