please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
