Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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