What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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