I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just cropdusted the office
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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