Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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