Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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