im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
