All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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