If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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