So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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