Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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