Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
