good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize