remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you had me at cake vodka
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MIDGETS
????
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
