one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
