one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
