Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
