Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
