i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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