IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
