seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
