Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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