So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
