I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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