You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
