Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
