So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
