all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
