He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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