Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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