we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
