i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
