I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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